I was having the best dream a few days back. I was playing for the top basketball team, being their MVP. I was rich, the crowd was cheering just for me, and I was just about to complete a slam-dunk. Then my focus suddenly shifted to some people tearing down all the wallpapers in the building. I didn’t even know sport-centers and arenas had wallpapers, but apparently they did. It was the most annoying sound and I couldn’t get back in the game. Suddenly everything became a blur. I woke up to the sound of my dog scratching and dragging his nails on the floor, like he was trying to dig up some kind of bone from underneath all the parquet. Not being able to clear a path downwards didn’t stop him, instead it just accelerated his efforts. When I tell him to stop, he just looks at me like “What? I didn’t do anything”.

 

There’s just no going back to sleep with that sound, and this isn’t the first time it happens. So today I started thinking about how to improve the sleep quality of my dog. Because if he doesn’t wake up, then neither do I. Some sites online pointed to the importance of having a good dog bed. I barely knew such a thing existed, but can remember vaguely having seen something similar in the pet store a while back. After looking in to this a bit more, I am convinced that a luxury dog bed will help my pet sleep better. As this matter is not something I take lightly, I have decided to get the very best for him. There’s no point in buying a cheap one at first and having to go back and upgrade to one of the fancy dog beds later on.

The thing is that waking up like this is not something that can be annoying for a couple of minutes, then you forget about it and go back to sleep. My dog just continues digging after that imaginary bone until the sun comes up. So clearly only the best fancy dog beds will do, with orthopedic foam and extra soft edges. My only fear now, is if he starts snoring. Then I might have to give up and buy myself some earplugs. Dalai Lama once said:

Sleep is the best meditation

And I couldn’t agree more.

Maybe now I will be able to finish some of my dreams and finally get that trophy on the basketball field. I think my dog is going to feel a lot better too when he’s got a proper bed to sleep in. No wonder he’s been looking a bit tired lately, because he must be having an even more difficult time than me at night. But then again, he’s able to take naps throughout the day, while I can’t unless I want my boss to come screaming. Tonight, I’m going to put on some soothing music and regain some of the lost sleep from these past months. I’ll have to see tomorrow if these fancy dog beds really does work as well as they say. If so, both me and my dog will be a lot happier.

For many people, the pain of rejection is so deeply rooted that they choose to not even attempt doing something that could trigger this fear in the first place. This is common in relationships and the dating scene. In clubs, it’s easier to just hang out with our friends than to approach and talk to new people. Dating sites provide a way to remove some of this anxiety, by not having to put ourselves fully out there, it doesn’t become as personal when we don’t get the desired response to a message. We could just say “Well, the pictures and information on my profile does not show exactly how I am, so it’s not really me that’s being rejected, it’s just a limited version of me”.

At least that’s what I thought. But to tell you the truth, rejection hurts even when it’s through dating sites. Even though the things I mentioned above can be true, the process is more streamlined than with regular dating, which means that the rejections can come more often. If dating sites enables us to contact 20 singles in a day, that’s 20 opportunities to get rejected. So even if the impact of a single attempt does not have much effect on our psyche, the accumulation of them all can build up quickly. From my own experience, I have calculated that 15 online rejections is the equivalent of one that is conveyed face to face.

But those numbers doesn’t have to be the same for everyone, and I guess it depends on how we react to different kinds of stimuli. I’m currently residing in Sweden, where these sites are called dejtingsidor. And I’ve heard some people here say that it is “svårt att hitta rätt dejtingsidor” meaning that it’s difficult finding the right dating site. I believe that the rate of rejection can be decreased greatly by choosing a site that suits our own needs and interests.

Another thing I have noticed is the decrease of spiritual pain and discomfort I experienced from being rejected on dating sites when I removed my profile picture. I realize that this will probably lessen my chances of success, but how can they possibly give my appearance a thumbs down if they haven’t even seen it. In other words, the less they know about me, the less pain is at stake. So to mitigate the chances of a negative experience on dating sites, a blank profile would be ideal. But then another factor needs to be included, and that is the possibility of boredom. The extra time spent contacting other singles without any results or answers might come back as a lack of motivation. There just isn’t any perfect way of doing it.

The pain of rejection on dating sites is tough, but so is watching a rom-com by myself. Right now, I can’t decide which one outweighs the other. There is also the option of avoiding both these aspects, and every activity that could be associated with relationships. There was a pretty clever guy called Einstein who said:

Everything that men do or think concerns the satisfaction of the needs they feel or the escape from pain.

So how much are we willing to invest in either one of these two aspects? Where do we place ourselves to maximize success and minimize emotional discomfort?

Yesterday when I was taking the bus home from work, everything was going smoothly and I thought about what to have for dinner. The next moment, I notice myself drooling and thinking: “Yes, that would be a tasty addition to chicken”. Then I wake up, eyes wide open, looking at the woman next to me, an elderly lady who’s looking back with a face full of disgust. Apparently my sleeping position wasn’t up to par with the unspoken passenger code of conduct. “Where are we?” I semi-shouted, without my brain having fully caught up with the situation. The answer I got was not the one I wanted. We had passed my bus stop about five minutes ago, and now I would have to wait another hour for the bus to finish its route and return to my destination. My face started twitching while I tried to pin down the exact moment I fell asleep. Now I noticed a slight smirk on the face of the lady next to me, and although she tried hard not to show it, she had understood that I missed my stop, and was actually very pleased with this fact. I could almost hear her thoughts: “Serves him right for falling asleep in front of us!”. An hour later I got off the bus and went shopping for food, instead of chicken, I just grabbed some leftovers from the freezer.

You would think that some of my colleagues who was also taking the same bus home, would at least try to wake me up, but no. They even know where I’m supposed to get off. Suffice to say, some people won’t be getting their christmas presents this year. The problem is not the extra hour it takes to get home, but the fact that it’s a “bus-hour”. There is absolutely nothing to do, except wait. I’m not yet sure if time passes by more slowly when heating food in the microwave or when riding along with public transportation. And there is always that one person who feeds off of other peoples misery. It was almost like that woman was doing everything in her power not to publicly start laughing in my face.

Why do they make the bus temperature so warm and cozy? And why are the chairs so soft? Do they want us to fall asleep and miss our stop? Maybe they should consider making the whole process a bit more uncomfortable so that accidents like this won’t happen. The physical pain of sitting on wooden chairs would be a better alternative than the emotional pain of humiliation from falling asleep in front of all the other passengers. Not to mention the time that is lost from starting the process of waiting all over again. Maybe I should submit this suggestion to the Transportation Research Board.

This is what I’m talking about: