For many people, the pain of rejection is so deeply rooted that they choose to not even attempt doing something that could trigger this fear in the first place. This is common in relationships and the dating scene. In clubs, it’s easier to just hang out with our friends than to approach and talk to new people. Dating sites provide a way to remove some of this anxiety, by not having to put ourselves fully out there, it doesn’t become as personal when we don’t get the desired response to a message. We could just say “Well, the pictures and information on my profile does not show exactly how I am, so it’s not really me that’s being rejected, it’s just a limited version of me”.
At least that’s what I thought. But to tell you the truth, rejection hurts even when it’s through dating sites. Even though the things I mentioned above can be true, the process is more streamlined than with regular dating, which means that the rejections can come more often. If dating sites enables us to contact 20 singles in a day, that’s 20 opportunities to get rejected. So even if the impact of a single attempt does not have much effect on our psyche, the accumulation of them all can build up quickly. From my own experience, I have calculated that 15 online rejections is the equivalent of one that is conveyed face to face.
But those numbers doesn’t have to be the same for everyone, and I guess it depends on how we react to different kinds of stimuli. I’m currently residing in Sweden, where these sites are called dejtingsidor. And I’ve heard some people here say that it is “svårt att hitta rätt dejtingsidor” meaning that it’s difficult finding the right dating site. I believe that the rate of rejection can be decreased greatly by choosing a site that suits our own needs and interests.
Another thing I have noticed is the decrease of spiritual pain and discomfort I experienced from being rejected on dating sites when I removed my profile picture. I realize that this will probably lessen my chances of success, but how can they possibly give my appearance a thumbs down if they haven’t even seen it. In other words, the less they know about me, the less pain is at stake. So to mitigate the chances of a negative experience on dating sites, a blank profile would be ideal. But then another factor needs to be included, and that is the possibility of boredom. The extra time spent contacting other singles without any results or answers might come back as a lack of motivation. There just isn’t any perfect way of doing it.
The pain of rejection on dating sites is tough, but so is watching a rom-com by myself. Right now, I can’t decide which one outweighs the other. There is also the option of avoiding both these aspects, and every activity that could be associated with relationships. There was a pretty clever guy called Einstein who said:
Everything that men do or think concerns the satisfaction of the needs they feel or the escape from pain.
So how much are we willing to invest in either one of these two aspects? Where do we place ourselves to maximize success and minimize emotional discomfort?